Blue Christmas
by byakushisakura
Summary: It's just before christmas when Sochin is rushed to the hospital.


It was just over a month before Christmas and one day Hijikata woke up to the all too familiar sound of coughing, it was a sound that no matter how many times he heard it he could never get used to it and the thoughts that followed were always sad.

He helped the other to sit up and rubbed his back while reaching for the water that was always kept by the bed. Despite how the other kept saying that he was okay the elder man couldn't help but thinking that the coughs seemed different from normal but he pushed those thoughts aside as they went back to sleep.

After a while Hijikata woke up once more and noticed that the other was having trouble breathing so he called an ambulance and Sochin was rushed to the hospital. Once there they managed to stabilize him but he had gone unconscious.

Sitting beside the bed Hijikata held his husbands hand as the doctors told him that the young man probably won't last the rest of the week. He just nodded slightly and watched the doctor leave before allowing a single stray tear to flow down his cheek. After a minute he phones his work and took the week off before calling Kondo-San, telling him what the doctors said as he asked the man to watch the children.

Hijikata stayed in the hospital pretty much all week hoping that the others condition might improve but it only got worse. That weekend he was told that his husband wasn't going to live through the night. "Please don't leave me, I'm not ready for this yet." He said softly just before the alarms went off, telling everyone that the other had stopped breathing.

The doctors rushed in and did everything they could but a minute later Soji was pronounced dead.

 _The young man opened his eyes. 'Why does everyone look so sad' he said but no one seemed to hear him. Soji reached out towards his husband and tried to get his attention only to have his hand go through the elder man. Frowning he finally realized what had happened and went over to the male beside his bed before hugging him as best he could. 'I'm so sorry.' He said as he looked back and saw his body laying lifeless on the bed._

Hijikata filled out any forms he had to Before going home. Once he got back he took the children into the main room and told them what had happened, holding them close as they started to cry.

The next two weeks seemed to drag on forever as the elder man kept putting off going through the others things and didn't even touch them. They had a memorial service for the man. Hijikata stood outside the entire time as he smoked his pipe and tried to avoid talking to anyone.

After all the others had left he went over to the casket and looked at the man who only seemed to be asleep. Moving a stray hair from his lovers face another tear fell as he closed the top and walked back outside, turning off the lights behind him.

There was a funeral the next day and everyone gathered around the mans grave as he was lowered into it and the snow started to fall. He dropped a single flower onto the casket as it was covered with dirt and left.

He tried to act as normal as possible around the children but when the elder man was on his own he did very little and was barely even able to focus on work. Christmas approached slowly and it only made him think of his lost lover since Sochin was always the one who liked this holiday. He did his best to do everything the same way they always did but it just wasn't the same since there was a lot that he didn't know how to do.

On Christmas Eve he stood outside on the small balcony and looked up to the stars. "It's not the same without you, it never will be." He said to himself as he felt the tears streaming g down his cheeks once more while the snow fell. "I miss you so much… We all do. I'm not ready to do this on my own." He continued as he closed his eyes and thought he felt familiar arms around his waist.

 _'I'm so sorry, I didn't want it to happen this soon.' The younger male said, knowing that he couldn't be heard._

Upon opening his eyes he frowned and saw that no one was there as the feeling left and he was alone once more.

Hijikata barely slept at all that night but was up early the next morning when the children came to wake him. Going downstairs with them he smiled slightly as he watched them opening their presents. Out of the corner of his eyes he thought he saw his husband but didn't look since the image would disappear as soon as he did.


End file.
